Saturday, July 16, 2011

tHe FaLL

I don't think I have ever prayed harder in my life than at the moment that my EMT brother, holding my baby girl, told me to call 911.  All that went through my head is that it must be bad if he is telling me to call. This Wednesday, visiting my family, after enjoying a nice day at the zoo and finishing dinner...we were sitting on the back patio talking.  Olivia climbed up on one of the chairs and I let her sit there.  I let her sit there because she was so happy and smiling and laughing.  The next thing I know, she stands up and stumbles and hits her head on the table and falls to the concrete ground landing on her head before I can reach her.   She cries immediately, but then she stops.  She lost consciousness.  In the moments that followed she gained and lost consciousness.  She cried and she was quiet.  The time from the 911 call, the ride in the ambulance, the rush through the ER....all is a blur to me.  I prayed endlessly.  I held her hands, I talked to her and I sang to her.  I stayed calm for the most part.   Everyone told me she was showing good signs (the crying, and movement).  Because of the nature of the fall and loss of consciousness, the doctors wanted xrays and mri/cat scan to determine any internal bleeds, fractures, etc.  We waited for results for what seemed an eternity.  We waited in the room that had bambi painted on the door.  I felt like throwing up and passing out.  My mind raced with what if's and should haves.  Once I could pick her up, I cradled her like I never have before.  My heart felt like it was bleeding.  Fear, Guilt and Sadness overwhelmed me.  But, I was also hopeful and I was so thankful because I believed at that point that she was going to be o.k. and she was.   The tests came back clear.  She was o.k.  My baby was o.k.  This nightmare was over, I was blessed to be taking my baby home. I was next to Olivia when she woke up the next morning.  She opened her eyes and very softly said: hi. I cried and smiled.  Hi baby.   Olivia is a climber, an adventurer, an explorer...she is nonstop.  I can't and won't let this baby girl out of my sight or reach in any potential dangerous situation.  I will not rest until she is resting.  I will not let go.  If I could put this baby in bubble wrap, believe me - I would.  But, I can't.  She needs to live her life in the real world and so do I.  I vow to protect her to the best of my ability always.  This precious little being is entrusted to me and I need to be always diligent.  I am so sorry and so sad that I let this baby get hurt.  She fell and I wasn't close enough and fast enough to stop it.  I shouldn't have let her sit on that chair, but I did.  Everyone tells me these accidents happen.  It doesn't change that I feel that I failed her.  It doesn't change that I could have lost my world that day. Within seconds ours lives could have changed.  Thank you, God for your Grace.  What I could not control, God did.  Thank you to my brother for being by my side and helping throughout the process.  Thank you for my parents for keeping the children calm and safe and loved and for praying for my baby.  Thank you to the emts/drs/nurses who cared for my baby.  I believe I was taught some lessons from this horrible experience.  I can't take my blessings for granted.  I have an important purpose on this earth to be the best mother that I can possibly be for these children.  That is what matters.  That is why I am here.  I have many feelings and thoughts to sort through, but something I know for sure is that each moment that I have on this earth is a gift and I must continue to LoVe with everything that I have to give.

1 comment:

Sally said...

Ok... thanks for making me cry!!! geesh. I am so thankful that Olivia is doing well!!! YIKES!! I have lived through my kids being in the ER for dislocated elbows (5 times, Cameron!), a broken collar bone (Nathan), numerous breathing treatments for bronchitis and croup (Nate and Cam), swollen lymph nodes in the intestinal area (Cameron), strep (Nate and Cam) and maybe a few other things? But never for a head injury. That has got to be one of the scariest things!!! Good for you for being strong for your baby in her time of need. That's hard! But you both made it through. Please give Livy a HUGE hug for me!