Hard Days Night

Olivia Helen is 9 months old today!

Raising children requires all we have and all we are. So, when I feel I am holding on by a thread...I pray. I pray for the strength, wisdom, guidance and most of all Heart to make it through the best way that I can for them with kindness instead of bitterness and a smile instead of tears. The demands and the responsibility of being a parent, often overwhelm me. Oh, but the LOVE...the love of being a parent...this is why I am here. A crumb just fell into my keyboard. joy. So, our bathroom is going to have a black and white theme. The floor, shower and wall tiles will be b&w and a black and white vanity/cabinet. So, I am kind of excited, we need to pick an accent color. Noah want's red...I want robin egg blue...or a nice lavendar...maybe even charcol. I am very sad to realize that my beloved shower curtain (shabby cottage-ish) will no longer belong. I will never find a shower curtain that I feel so connected to...unless I order a new ELVIS jailhouse rock shower curtain like I had in the past!!!! Of course, then I would feel the need to do that whole theme throughout and honestly, I am not in the mood. Today was not the best of days. I hope I don't sound too down, but it was kind of just plain rotten for no major reason just a bunch of small ones that started to feel like too much. Having workers at the house early in the morning, getting the children ready for school, keeping the dog contained, not being able to take a shower, not being able to find one of the lunchbags while the baby cries...that's not the best way to run out the door (late). ((plus snow and cold and cold and snow)). Not wanting to be at home cuz all the clutter, noise and dust...not wanting to be at the store cuz theres no fun shopping money and the baby is fussy, not wanting to impose on any friends because I am dirty and exhausted...I felt I belonged nowhere today...like a rolling stone with no home. The librarian guy at the library probably thinks I am insane cuz Ive been there 3 days in a row (only because books I put on hold keep coming in). Did you ever notice that when you go out into the world not wearing make up and your hair a mess, that you are mostly treated like crap by store clerks and such. Well sorry, screw that...got more important things to do with my time at the moment. Today I came across some incidents of some totally rude/ignorant people...and I let it get me down/dishearten me. I hate that I let negative people get the best of my emotions sometimes. I was feeling weak and tired so when these things happened , I kind of let them beat me down instead of raising above what does not matter. I can say now though, that I am trying to place those things, put them behind and move on with my evening as there is too much to take care of and do. Tonight I made a lazy dinner (turkey hot dogs) because Noah would be out and the kids requested it. While at the library today, I picked out lots of great books for the kids while they were at school. I layed them all out on the living room table and when they found them they were so excited and have been reading most of the night. Tomorrow, I have a neat and simple surprise for them. Since I really want to get some drawing done, I bought them each a little drawing/doodle pad of paper and new colored pencils. Tomorrow after school I will lay them out with some "How to draw animals, people , etc" books that I got from the library (wont show them those til tomorrow). I know they will love this. I am excited. Simple, cheap and I will hopefully get do some sketching/drawing as well. I am freezing all of a sudden. I love the smell of Tide. Where are my slippers? Tomorrow should be a better day, in fact - I am counting on it. goodnight