"Make yourselves nests of pleasant thoughts. None of us yet know, for none of us have been taught in early youth, what fairy palaces we may build of beautiful thought - proof against all adversity. Bright fancies, satisfied memories, noble histories, faithful sayings, treasure houses of precious and restful thoughts, which care cannot disturb, nor pain make gloomy, nor poverty take away from us - houses built without hands, for our souls to live in." - john ruskin
It's 2 a.m. and that is the quote on the back of my celestial seasonings chamomile tea box. I can't sleep. I hear the slight rains and the brutal winds whipping around outside and I am glad that I am inside. I just got done feeding Benjamin and got him back to sleep, but my mind was wandering and I couldn't find peace enough to properly rest...so I made a cup of tea and here I am. quiet time. alone. a few minutes by myself.
Im thinking about many things. Things that I want to get done on a daily basis that I never have time to acomplish, these endless lists in my head. I think about friends that I want to contact because I miss them, bills that need to be paid somehow, laundry thats piled up because I have skipped it for one day, Lance needs more dog food, he's almost out. I think about the pumpkin that I just got for Isabelle and how when she saw it she said with such excitement "for me? oh wank you mom, wank you!" I think about what fun (and what mess) it will be to carve it with her tonight.
I think about how sweet my little Ben is. I love that when he stretches his arms that they can't reach over his head yet and that his legs are still curled in the fetal position. I love that he looks at me at 2 a.m. and smiles so softly. I love that his pajama's smell like freshness (dreft laundry detergant) and that his head smells of lavendar when I kiss it. His little fingers wrap around my finger and I know that's all I need and that is all that he needs at that very moment.
Motherhood. wow. What a gift. Being a parent is not at all a walk in the park...it's more like a chase and a drag and spin and a carry and trip and fall and a get back up again in the park.. but at the end of the day, at 2.a.m. with a smile just for me...I'd say it's worth entering the park and taking on the challenges that await me...even if I stumble into some dog poo along the way because I get to see the sun brighter and feel it's warmth more than I ever have before.